Thursday, October 09, 2014


Episode Fifteen

>>FastForward to Now>>

“And to cement our appreciation for your sterling efforts in both safety management and project advancement punctuality going forward, and with anticipation of projected future ground effect improvement targets, Tim and I would like to invite all of you team members to The Milestone Party,” pause for effect, “watch your Inboxes for details”
Obligatory applause enthusiastically initiated by the trained seals in the front row echoes around the sterile fluorescence of the Town Hall meeting.

Thursday, October 02, 2014

If the Shoe Fits

Episode Fourteen

Shepard Fairey

In order to wage war successfully the PTB need to manufacture soldiers.
Soldiers need to be trained to follow orders without question.
Shiny footwear is an important factor in determining the obedience of any given soldier; the shinier the boot the more obedient the soldier.
“One time I had a really good pair of shoes; expensive too. Pointy-toad brown-swayed; you know those ones with the little holes in them…what the fuck they called? My old brain don’t work the way it used to back in the day when I was… what are they called? You know, the ones with those tiny hole patterns? It’s on the tip of my…”
“Tongue! Brogues! Hey Adam, your speech’s got a lot better; loud too; one-a-these-days you’ll be able to hold a real conversation.”
Of course, in order for a soldier to present his shiny boots for inspection he needs to be trained in the ways of boot-polishing.
It is an ancient art which is handed down from father to son.
They say: "The army will be good for him; it‘ll teach him discipline."
Basic military training involves the removal of the word ‘me’ from the soldier’s vocabulary, a procedure which involves a prolonged period of intense physical discomfort.
“Me I never could go for those ‘comfortable’ sports shoes all rubber-n-plastic and oversized, making you look like you’ve got giant marshmallows on your feet.”

Friday, September 26, 2014

Advanced Hairdressing

Episode Thirteen

And so the months roll forward for our little hero; the hours spent between the diametrically opposite, but equally torturous poles of Pinky and NOM3.
Atom has managed through tenacious self-discipline to completely avoid looking at NOM3, a feat achieved by closing his eyes before being re-entered into his ‘room’, and thereafter ensuring he is always facing away before opening them.
NOM3 has paid little attention to where Atom’s eyes are pointing, intent as he is on his wagging tongue and in the maintenance of the suit he has knitted for himself out of his head of grey hair and with help from his beard and body hair too; a suit so personally snug that he considers himself (in his own mind’s eye) to be quite the man-about-town (not that he is allowed anywhere near town or indeed anywhere outside of his cell).
The necktie, so dramatically employed in the picture in Atom’s mind’s eye, is in fact a sober shade of chartreuse, nicely set off against grey hair-shirt (fashioned to match aforementioned suit) and is worn in the conventional manner replete with perfect Windsor knot.
Below neatly pressed and slightly flared grey trousers and being the result of very hirsute calves and ankles, are a pair of cabled grey hair socks, the whole image suffering only from a lack of adequate and appropriate shiny black footwear.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Scottish Independance

"I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any fucking difference. "

Renton's Rant from Trainspotting still holds true thanks to all those that voted 'no'
Better together? You won't be saying that when you're paying tuition fees and prescription charges the same as England. Fucking idiots.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Common Good

Episode Twelve

>>Fast-Forward One Month>> (in the interests of being able understand what Atom is saying, which is in fact, very little these days)

“I think that it’s important,” says Pinky, “to clarify a deeply pertinent fact; especially since we have made such strong progress in establishing the granularity of your role during the induction so far.”
Atom nods attentively.
“The Company holds your employment in the highest possible regard; you are a valuable asset and as such it is in their interest to make all possible effort to ensure that you are happy in their employ, going forward.”
“…“ Atom conjures a picture (in his mind’s eye) of the NOM3’s loose tongue.