Facescape ~ Simon Reekie
It wasn’t too long after he’d hatched out of the egg that Atom came upon the large ginger tom.
Having been a cat ‘owner’ in a previous life, Atom blinked his eyes slowly in greeting. The cat looked at him for a while before lazily returning the blink.
“New kid on the block?” asked the cat.
Atom looked up at the cat – with the decrease in distance between them it became clear that this was nobody’s pet.
“I’m Atom,” he said, “You’re a big fella aren’t you”
“They call me Cajones,” said the cat, “for two obvious reasons. I suppose you’ll want me to take you to the others?”
“Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea.” Atom became conscious of how vulnerable he was: no clothes, no weapons and no chance of defending himself should the cat decide to eat him.
“I’m not that desperate,” said the cat, “You smell pretty bad” He turned, affording Atom full view of his naming attributes, and headed down the pathway. Atom hesitated then followed.
“You know, the rest of your lot say that we’re all part of some mad scientist’s experiment,” said Cajones over his shoulder, “but I’m inclined to think that that is all a big lie designed to cover up something a bit more mundane. Besides, I don’t even know what ‘a mad scientist’ is.”
“Why do you think it’s a lie?” asked Atom, “I mean, why would they lie?”
“Why? Cos it’s what you lot do best.”
“…and cats don’t lie?” Atom could hear the stupidity in the question even as he asked it.
“Of course we do,” said Cajones, ”We have to entice our prey at least someway toward us; lies and skills, that’s what we’re all about. But you guys lie for less apparent reasons; like the ‘mad scientist’ thing.”
They entered through the hotel’s revolving door, an admirable feat for a giant ginger cat but one that he managed with typically feline cool.
“Looks like they’ve put you in the honeymoon suite” said Cajones after consulting the open register on the reception desk.
Atom took a glance but the pages appeared to be written in Arabic or Urdu or Sanskrit.
“Honeymoon suite?”
“Yeah, you know, honeymoon suite… you guys pride yourselves in having a sense of humour, well that was cat humour: cruel but still funny”
“Oh haha I geddit” Atom pulled a face at the cat’s back as he was lead toward a flight on threadbare steps, “You’re not gonna fuck me are you?”
Atoms words bumped into Cajone’s haunch and he found himself face to face with a malignant yellow-eyed warning sign.
“sorry” Atoms’s shoulders rose toward his ears.
“Have you had a look at yourself recently?” asked Cajones, “Right now I’m sure you think this is all about you, but a good bit of advice would be disabuse yourself of that selfish notion before it really starts to hurt.
“You're on the second floor, third on the left” Cajones turned on his tail and left.
The room was basic, but clean and neat. On one wall was a large mirror, its mercury flaking at the edges, which reflected a bedraggled and dirty individual that Atom assumed must be himself.
The television alternated pornography and the latest news; Atom found it difficult to distinguish between the two.
“I don’t care if you watch me or not,” said the television, “You know I speak the truth.”
Atom searched in vain for the remote control, at least to change the channel, but found none. Nor was there a socket in the wall where the set could be disabled.
“See, I knew you couldn’t resist” said the television.
“Why not take a nice hot bath?” suggested the mirror, “Get yourself cleaned up; looking presentable”
Atom considered his reflection once more; it hadn’t improved, “You talkin’ to me?” he asked, somewhat belligerently. He looked around, pushed his shoulders back as if to challenge his reflection, “Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?”
“This one’s defective,” said the mad scientist to his assistant behind the mirror, “Just like the last one,” he scratched his mad scientist scalp, “Send it back to the mould” he said.
“Oh and see what you can do about Gingernuts; he’s getting a bit too cocky for my liking.”
Having been a cat ‘owner’ in a previous life, Atom blinked his eyes slowly in greeting. The cat looked at him for a while before lazily returning the blink.
“New kid on the block?” asked the cat.
Atom looked up at the cat – with the decrease in distance between them it became clear that this was nobody’s pet.
“I’m Atom,” he said, “You’re a big fella aren’t you”
“They call me Cajones,” said the cat, “for two obvious reasons. I suppose you’ll want me to take you to the others?”
“Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea.” Atom became conscious of how vulnerable he was: no clothes, no weapons and no chance of defending himself should the cat decide to eat him.
“I’m not that desperate,” said the cat, “You smell pretty bad” He turned, affording Atom full view of his naming attributes, and headed down the pathway. Atom hesitated then followed.
“You know, the rest of your lot say that we’re all part of some mad scientist’s experiment,” said Cajones over his shoulder, “but I’m inclined to think that that is all a big lie designed to cover up something a bit more mundane. Besides, I don’t even know what ‘a mad scientist’ is.”
“Why do you think it’s a lie?” asked Atom, “I mean, why would they lie?”
“Why? Cos it’s what you lot do best.”
“…and cats don’t lie?” Atom could hear the stupidity in the question even as he asked it.
“Of course we do,” said Cajones, ”We have to entice our prey at least someway toward us; lies and skills, that’s what we’re all about. But you guys lie for less apparent reasons; like the ‘mad scientist’ thing.”
They entered through the hotel’s revolving door, an admirable feat for a giant ginger cat but one that he managed with typically feline cool.
“Looks like they’ve put you in the honeymoon suite” said Cajones after consulting the open register on the reception desk.
Atom took a glance but the pages appeared to be written in Arabic or Urdu or Sanskrit.
“Honeymoon suite?”
“Yeah, you know, honeymoon suite… you guys pride yourselves in having a sense of humour, well that was cat humour: cruel but still funny”
“Oh haha I geddit” Atom pulled a face at the cat’s back as he was lead toward a flight on threadbare steps, “You’re not gonna fuck me are you?”
Atoms words bumped into Cajone’s haunch and he found himself face to face with a malignant yellow-eyed warning sign.
“sorry” Atoms’s shoulders rose toward his ears.
“Have you had a look at yourself recently?” asked Cajones, “Right now I’m sure you think this is all about you, but a good bit of advice would be disabuse yourself of that selfish notion before it really starts to hurt.
“You're on the second floor, third on the left” Cajones turned on his tail and left.
The room was basic, but clean and neat. On one wall was a large mirror, its mercury flaking at the edges, which reflected a bedraggled and dirty individual that Atom assumed must be himself.
The television alternated pornography and the latest news; Atom found it difficult to distinguish between the two.
“I don’t care if you watch me or not,” said the television, “You know I speak the truth.”
Atom searched in vain for the remote control, at least to change the channel, but found none. Nor was there a socket in the wall where the set could be disabled.
“See, I knew you couldn’t resist” said the television.
“Why not take a nice hot bath?” suggested the mirror, “Get yourself cleaned up; looking presentable”
Atom considered his reflection once more; it hadn’t improved, “You talkin’ to me?” he asked, somewhat belligerently. He looked around, pushed his shoulders back as if to challenge his reflection, “Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?”
“This one’s defective,” said the mad scientist to his assistant behind the mirror, “Just like the last one,” he scratched his mad scientist scalp, “Send it back to the mould” he said.
“Oh and see what you can do about Gingernuts; he’s getting a bit too cocky for my liking.”
7 comments:
Ah, I've no idea what you're on about, but it's hilarious!
I'll never look at an orange tabby the same way again.
By the way, I've started Markov Chain... been a busy couple of weeks.
this is great...really accesible, but still incomprehensible! gads wut a cunundrum
Jeff: I was wondering if anyone would find it funny (phew!)
Tom: incomprehensible? this is my tribute to Taxi Driver (A movie that I like less after re-watching it recently - very Republican :))
I LOVED this. i laughed out loud, especially at the cat's name. subtle.
such a nicely perverse atom in non-wonderland. i really like how you do this kind of writing. always so quirky and weirdly deadly accurate and honest.
Harlequin: "atom in non-wonderland" now there's a title that I'm going to have to hijack (if you don't mind?)
hijack away... delighted!
Oh, I do love the fantastical
you've stolen my heart
it's lucky I'm a zombie
and this is only the beginning!
oh, excited am I, I am
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