Monday, October 09, 2006

Alchemy Lesson No.11: Solidification


Ellis Island 1902


  • Measure the width of a thought the length of an idea.
  • Add a liberal (Not to be confused with Libertine) dash of prejudice and a sprinkle of xenophobia (if in season)
  • You now have a solid and malleable mass with which to work.
  • From your little toolbox of aphorisms and clichés you may now remove your dogmahammer.
  • Being careful not to apply too much lateral pressure, hammer the concept into a shape that best represents your preconceived idea.
  • The concept is almost ready, be patient.
  • This next step is best employed without recourse to the use of understanding; this being an entirely unnecessary ingredient which only serves to complicate the process.
  • Bake your concept in the heat of ignorance using only a narrow viewpoint oven adding equal sprinklings of mysogyny; racism and homophobia, this will serve to harden the concept without subjecting it to distracting details.
  • Place all pieces in the appropriate category for future reference.
  • Box and label it, confine it to the words used to describe it.
Congratulations! You have created your very own point of view.
You may now use it freely to express yourself in public, people will take note and give respect.
For the braver amongst you, you may use your concept to belittle and berate those who do not agree.

6 comments:

Dr Victorino de la Vega said...

Beautiful poem.
Or is it prose?
I'm not sure!

Speaking of "original point of views" and "creative concepts", the Neocon's “Axis of Evil” always was a cartoonish assortment of “Asian” paper-tiger villains with Semitic and/or Mongoloid traits, ideal for Tony Snow’s fearsome reports on Faux News and/or the White House lawn.

Now the soviet-style gnome of Pingpongrad has gone “Nukular” all the way!

Truly, (corrupt political) life imitates (particularly bad) art…

flyingrodent said...

Couldn't have put it better myself, Pisces.

Perfect, except you forgot the paranoia.

Garth said...

Don't mention the 'P' word... these halls have ears.

Rancho Perros Bravos said...

Seems like everywhere you look there are boxes with labels. You sure do have it down on what people put in them. Some people are sitting on a stack of them so high they can see nothing but their own.

Yodood said...

When life is a pissing contest, one must fashion the finest raincoat.

Garth said...

Zatikia: The far Queue HSE has decreed that it is dangerous to sit atop a pile of empty boxes.
Todd: I suspect that my raincoat is made of paper.
red-dirt-girl: Welcome to The Far Queue and thank you for the mountain of praise; permission granted for all of the above. I will of course visit your fluffy blog.
I know what you mean about those damn reviews... in fact I had sort of given up doing them, but they are not all bad since 1 in every 1000 surfers does stop and read (yourself being a prime example).

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